


Throwback

by Nea



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Mentions of War, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slash, moustead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 12:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20975705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nea/pseuds/Nea
Summary: Mouse and Jay help each other to handle the memories of Landigal.





	Throwback

**Author's Note:**

> **Author's note:** Slash, but could be read as gen, part of my "Moustead: One fic per episode in season 3" project  
**Author's note 2:** My beta, _firstlovelatespring_ should have all the good things, for she‘s awesome!  
**Warnings:** Mention of war situations, emotional hurt/comfort, spoiler for episode 316.  
**Disclaimer:** The show‘s Dick Wolf‘s, the guys are each other‘s.

He watches Mouse struggle to unlock the door, as the horrible day finally ends. Mouse’s hand trembles slightly, but the key finds the lock at second attempt. Jay enters the tiny apartment right after him and shuts the door behind himself.

Slowly they get out of their jackets and when Mouse sighs, Jay reaches out and pulls him into his arms. Mouse clings to Jay, who’s also trembling.

"Sorry that I mentioned him, but..." Mouse’s voice is as shaky as the rest of him and Jay hopes it’s just because it’s muffled by his shoulder.

"I know," Jay whispers. "I know."

He wants to add that Landigal was on his mind as soon as he saw today’s victim, Noah Johnson. That he had to keep the memories of the mud hut out of his mind at all cost, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to work. But he can’t say that out loud. At least not yet.

"I’m sorry, too," he says instead, his voice still low, even though they’re alone.

Mouse nods. "Seeing Noah’s picture on the board, that he was just a kid, it took me by surprise and slammed me right back..."

Now Jay’s nodding. He knows exactly what Mouse is talking about.

"The screams of Noah’s mother sent me back, too," he admits.

He didn’t understand the words that were screamed in Landigal, but both mothers’ sounded very alike. Pain is universal.

Mouse shivers more at that memory and Jay holds him closer.

"Just because I don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean I don’t remember," he tells Mouse.

"I just mentioned it, to get it out of my system," Mouse says apologetically. "I shouldn’t have. Not there and then, though, but sometimes it’s hard to find the right time..."

"Yeah..." Jay agrees quietly. 

It’s better that Mouse talks about it before he starts using again or his depression comes back stronger than before.

They move away from the door, but don’t make it to the sofa. Still holding onto each other, they almost drop to the floor in a half-sitting, half-kneeling position and wait until the trembling stops.

Leaning against the wall, they know without words that the other one remembers the panic and horror that kicked in as soon as they realized they had hit the wrong target, because someone with a higher rank than theirs messed up the coordinates.

"Someone has to invent sensor-bullets that sense an innocent civilian and avoid or just graze them," Mouse says, his fingers moving feather-light over Jay’s neck.

"You’d become an instant billionaire with ammo like that..." Jay muses, his lips brushing the side of Mouse’s neck as he speaks. "I guess Chicago PD wouldn’t be able to afford it, though."

"I would offer them to pay as much as they think is adequate." Mouse leans against Jay’s shoulder now, one arm around Jay’s waist.

"You’d be the world’s worst business-man," Jay says, taking Mouse’s other hand in his and tracing invisible patterns with his thumb over the back of Mouse’s hand. "But the best person I’ve ever known."

Mouse sighs and turns his hand around, so Jay’s fingers slide between his. They stay like that for a while, not letting go.


End file.
